At first the offer of thousands of dollars for being pregnant sounds very enticing. But then doubts cloud the candidate’s mind. This just sounds too good to be true!!!!
Absolutely not. This question must stem from a soap opera or movie where the Surrogate moved in with the Intended Parents. It sounds like a nightmare to me. The most important qualification for being a Surrogate is to have completed at least one pregnancy. This means that she is a mother herself. I cannot imagine taking a mother away from her home with her significant other and her children to move in with Intended Parents. No amount of money can take me away from my family.
There is no reason why you would need to stop working, because you are a Surrogate. Pregnancy is not an illness. Women work for as long as they can, until the day of delivery or close to it. In the U.S., it is illegal to fire an employee because she is pregnant. Therefore, unless your job includes parachuting or any activity which could harm the baby, you can continue working while being pregnant.
The best way to ensure your children are not confused by your actions is to be open and truthful to them. Kids’ radars go up while we adults speak to each other. When they do not understand what we are talking about, they tend to fill in the blanks with their own imaginations. This could be harmful, because their imaginations could lead them to strange and harmful conclusions. However, if we speak to them on their level and tell them the truth, they will understand what is happening at their own level.
One of the psychologists we work with explained it to me in the following way:
“Imagine that our neighbor mixes all the ingredients to bake a cake but finds out that her oven is not working. She rings the bell and asks permission to use our oven. After the cake is baked, she takes her cake home and shares it with her family.” This is a clever way to explain that the baby is not “ours” and therefore his/her parents will be taking him/her after birth.
You have the right to request what kind of people you want to be a Surrogate for: maybe you prefer your own ethnicity or a certain family configuration; maybe you would like a lot of contact with the couple, in which case you could be matched with a local couple; or you might prefer minimum contact, in which case a foreign couple could be a good match for you.
Whatever is your preference, you will be able to meet the couple in a relaxed environment before starting the pre-screening process. You will interview them as much as they interview you. You can reject them without having to give an explanation. If so, you will be matched with another couple.
Bundles of Joy, wants your Surrogacy journey to be a pleasant time. We encourage a friendly relationship with the parents.
You do not have to see the baby in the delivery room. After birthing, you will be rolled into a separate room from the parents for your recovery. This will ensure privacy for both parties. If you would like to, you can pump milk as an added service to the parents. This would be stipulated in the contract.
You do not have to continue to be connected to the parents after the birth of their baby. However, some Surrogates continue being friends with their Intended Parents, and some even become an “auntie” to the child. We even have a foreign couple who meets their Surrogate and her family once a year in Disney World for a week vacation. We see this as a very happy ending.