How to give support to a friend who is struggling with infertility
Our biggest desire when we see our friends or relatives struggling is to
offer an easy solution. Maybe they have not thought about our solution.
Going through infertility is hard enough without insensitive comments like
“all you have to do is relax and you will get pregnant”
“there is no way you can be infertile if you get regular periods”
“Are you sure you understand the best days to try to get pregnant”
…and so forth….
Believe me, your friend has already considered all those possibilities plus the
possibility that her husband will leave her because she is not conceiving, plus
the fear of remaining barren for the rest of her life, plus the awkward feeling
when all her peers are enjoying their new babies while all she does is visit doctors who
charge her high fees and find no answers for her.
There are many things you should not say when you are with your infertile friend. The first
one is to refrain from bragging about your own pregnancy, delivery, ability to parent your child
or your baby’s fast development.
And what are some positive ways to relate to your friend?
You could say:
“I am not aware of exactly what you are experiencing, but please keep me in mind for whatever
you need. I will just listen to your concerns and be a source of support. “
What is important is to just listen. Your friend is not a hero for what she has indured
in the process. Besides, she is not doing or did anything wrong that resulted in her infertility. The same way that
you would not blame a cancer patient for her illness. Just listen to her and be there for her.
Infertility is a very lonely process for her and you can make a tremendous difference just by being there
for your friend.
” know you are going thorugh a difficult time and I am here for you”