There are two parts in the process of surrogacy: on one side the intended parents and on the other the woman who will get pregnant for them and carry and deliver their baby.

The Intended Parents and the surrogate are free to decide what kind of relationship they would like to have before, during and after the pregnancy.  As long as both parts agree and they follow the terms established in the contract, there is no rules about it.

What are the advantages of meeting your surrogate in advance?

The surrogate mother will take care of your baby during the first nine months of his existance so many parents believe it is important to meet her before the process starts.

During this initial meeting both parties Will establish how personal their relationship will be.  There are other points to pay close attention to during this “relaxed” interview

• Make sure your surrogate has made her decision to carry your baby freely and without coersion..
• Create empathy on your surrgate.  If she meets the couple and undertand the reasons why they require a surrogate and their tremendous desire to become parents, this Will be a positive in her emotional motivation and reduce her economical motivation.
• Pregnancy following: the parents will want to follow the evolution of the pregnancy over the phone,  An open communication will be the first step to months of contact via phone, Skype, WhatsApp, Facebook…
• Diminish and avoid fraud as well as exploitation of the surrogate mother.
• Thank the surrogate mother for what she is about to do for you making it clear to her how much her actions mean to you.
• Have a personal connection with the surrogate so that when you explain to your child about his origins you have a personal connection to this woman. 
• More transparency in the process of surrogacy.
• Allow the surrogate to feel comfortable with her matching couple.  She has as much choice of who she wants to carry a baby for as the parents have a choice of who carries their baby

There are surrogate mothers who prefer not to meet the parents under the idea that this way they reduce their emotional attachment to them and giving away the baby would be easier for them.  At Bundles of Joy we have never experienced this case.

On the parents’ side, there are few who do not want to meet the woman who is going to carry their baby.  These parents believe that this would be an easier way to carry the process and rely on the judgement of the agency.

FRIENDSHIP WITH YOUR SURROGATE

At Bundles of Joy we recommend an open relationship with your surrogate.  The strength of the relationship will be up to the two parties. We recommend a weekly or bi-weekly appointment where the surrogate and the couple can report to each other about their developments, feelings, medical visits, etc.  We prefer a set time in order for both parties to separate that time and give each other complete attention.

There is no rule about the amount of contact before, during and after the pregnancy.  Some couples continue the relationship after birth and the surrogate becomes part of their extended family, becoming something like an “aunt” to their child. Surrogates who continue the relationship believe it allows them to continue feeling good about their decision since they can see that the baby they had carried is having a good life.

What ever your choice is, make sure you and your partner agree and share it with the surrogate during the first meeting. This way she Will also be able to make a decision and know if this is a good match for her and her family.

The most important thing is this pregnancy is a cherished time for both the surrogate and her family and the Intended Parents.